Going Natural: Some Women Defy Societal Pressure To Hide Gray Hair

Veronica Berry, a teacher and churchgoer with a courteous demeanor, doesn't seem like the provocative type.

Yet in recent years the Winter Haven resident has done something that she says makes her a radical in the eyes of some family members and friends. Her extreme act? Berry, 51, opted to stop coloring her hair and allow the natural gray to emerge.

Berry, an aspiring writer, summed it up this way in an essay on the topic: "When I decided that society and my caring friends and family members would not choose for me what color my hair should be, it got kind of ugly."

A few of her friends grew so distressed at the sight of her gray hair, they offered to pay for Berry's coloring treatment with a hair stylist. Berry declined the offers.

Berry, who began noticing gray hair around age 40, said she is aware of the societal pressure women face to deny the effects of aging. One of the most obvious ways to do that is by coloring away their gray, silver or white hair.

"It's a very emotionally charged topic," said Terri Holley, a Maryland woman who founded and operates the website Revolution Gray (goinggrayblog.com). "I think it's tied into the whole paradigm of beauty and the way our society has defined beauty. We're afraid to get old, afraid to look old. There's a lot of emphasis on youth in this country."

Holley, 50, didn't set out to be a pro-gray activist. She was writing a blog on various subjects when she came across a 2007 cover article in Time magazine headlined "The War Over Going Gray."

Holley, whose black hair had not yet started turning gray at that point, wrote a blog post on the subject and was surprised at the heavy volume of responses. She created the Revolution Gray site in 2007, and it now draws 41,000 page views a month, with visitors from 110 countries, she said.

The site's content covers such categories as "celebrities gone gray" and dispenses advice on making the transition to gray hair. A "success stories" section allows readers to submit their own stories and photos illustrating their decisions not to color their hair.

Most of the women sharing their stories seem to be in their 40s or 50s, but plenty of women younger than 30 are represented in the site's comments section.

Holley, who describes her hair as now 5 percent gray, said women who choose to go natural often mention the expense of color treatments — as much as $2,000 a year — and concerns about the chemicals in hair dyes. For others, she said, the decision is a matter of "empowerment," a rejection of societal expectations.

"Over the years, there's been a big uptick in women visiting the site and asking for assistance," Holley said. "I've been writing about this and blogging about this for close to a decade, and I think eight years ago it was a trend. Now, I do believe it's becoming more mainstream."

FAMILY INFLUENCES

Berry said the pressure to color is especially pervasive among African-Americans.

"In the community in which I live, a 'sister' with graying hair is basically an offensive idea," Berry wrote in her essay, a piece she said she might expand for possible publication.

Berry, a teacher at Lake Region High School, said when she first began noticing a few gray hairs, she cut them out. As the incursion spread, she allowed a friend and a stylist to talk her into getting a rinse job, something she did only with reluctance.

In considering the matter, Berry recalled her grandmother, who had "beautiful gray locks." Berry's choice to stop coloring was also an act of solidarity with her mother, who was forced to discontinue dyeing her hair following a stroke that left her physically impaired.

After allowing the natural gray to grow out, Berry said she rubbed her mother's hair and then her own and said, "See, Ma — we are twins."

Renee Allende of Winter Haven was in her early 20s when she began noticing whitish strands in her brown hair. Allende, now 46, said she dabbled with coloring her hair over the years but gave up the enterprise after the birth of her second child 21 years ago.

Allende's short hair is now a uniform shade of ivory and has become her trademark. She said other women have asked Allende's stylist about her hair color, assuming it is an artificial hue.

Like Berry, Allende drew upon the examples of family members in accepting her natural color. During her childhood, she said, her mother and other relatives had white hair and it seemed entirely normal.

When Allende began dating after her first marriage ended in divorce, she said her hair seemed to draw favor from the men she met, including the one she eventually married, Dr. Guillermo Allende, a Haines City internist.

Allende, admissions director at Spring Lake Rehabilitation Center in Winter Haven, said she realizes it isn't easy for some women to accept the change in appearance that comes when the amount of melanin in hair follicles declines.

"I've talked to other women, and basically they want to let their hair go natural and they're kind of nervous to do that because they've been coloring it so long they don't know what it will look like," Allende said. "A lot of them say, 'I don't know if it will look like yours if I let it go natural.'"

NOT JUDGING OTHERS

Claire Orologas, executive director of the Polk Museum of Art, has never faced that dilemma. Orologas, 62, said she didn't consider coloring her black hair when she began detecting incipient silver 10 or 15 years ago.

"One of the reasons I think I never even thought about it is I remember when my mother's hair started to change and she was considering coloring her hair, my father said, 'But your hair is so beautiful that way,'" Orologas said. "And she never did color her hair, and that just stayed with me."

Another influence came from Orologas' sister, whose hair went silver when she was in her mid-20s. But Orologas said she doesn't condemn other women who choose to have their hair tinted.

"I also know some women who just don't like the color of their hair as it changes," she said, "and so they make it the color that they like and I think that's all fine."

Holley, the Revolution Gray founder, said she welcomes opinions on all sides of the issue. She recently posted an essay on her site from a woman explaining why she isn't yet ready to stop coloring her hair. Holley said her Facebook page (www.facebook.com/gray.hair.rocks) generates plenty of debate.

Though she promotes acceptance of gray hair, Holley said women should recognize that not everyone comes to the same decision on the issue. And although the site is geared toward women, Holley said it also draws some men.

"We do get a few comments from men who say they love that women have gone gray, that it's sexy," Holley said. "And we do get comments from women who say they get a lot more attention from men since they've gone gray."

Berry said her husband, Moses Berry, tells her she looks beautiful with what he calls her "blond streaks," and her 24-year-old son, Caleb Berry, has complimented her for "rocking that gray."

Berry welcomes the day when American society is equally accepting.

"I think the culture says older women need to look younger, and I really believe that maybe society has a problem with us getting older," Berry said. "I just think they think you should always be beautiful and always be young, but that's not reality. So I would just love to grow old gracefully, from my hair to my insides to my outside, and not let society dictate to me who I should be and what I should be."

[ Gary White can be reached at gary.white@theledger.com or 863-802-7518. He blogs about tourism at http://tourism.blogs.theledger.com. Follow on Twitter @garywhite13. ]