The team
History lesson
As a Kiwis fan it's better to look forward than back, frankly. On their only previous qualification, in 1982, they lost all three matches, to Brazil, the Soviet Union and Scotland, conceding 12 goals in the process. Local anoraks will tell you they've only once in their 90-year history beaten a European or South American team, Georgia 3-1 in 2006. Good luck against Italy, Paraguay and Slovakia, then.
Tactics board
Geography dictates that it can be difficult to attract opponents but despite a lack of practice they are well drilled in both a diamond and 5-3-2 formation. They lost 4-3 to Italy last year but don't expect such high-scoring this time around – since then their matches have become as exciting as a Garth Crooks interview with Alan Shearer.
Grudge match
New Zealanders and Australians would like nothing more than to exhibit the fierce Trans-Tasman rivalry on the world stage but, given they would both have to reach the semi-finals, which is highly unlikely, they might have to make do with uniting in their dislike for the Poms.
Also known as
Michael Barrymore's favourites, the All Whites. The strip is based on the colour of England's and hardly strikes fear like the daunting All Blacks' kit of their rugby union counterparts. Mind you, their raucous fans, nicknamed "White Noise", do their best to compensate for that.
The players
Vuvuzela superstar
Blackburn stalwart and Stanford graduate Ryan Nelsen hopes, after football, to set up his own wine company, but there probably won't be much call for champagne in the post-match dressing room.
There's always Bolton
Shane Smeltz, the prolific 28-year-old striker who has won the golden boot in the Australian league in each of the past two seasons. If Liverpool were to sell Fernando Torres, who better than the Gold Coast United forward who constantly outscores Kop legend Robbie Fowler?
Laager lout
The 20-year-old Ipswich defender Tommy Smith has been instructed by his club manager, Roy Keane, on what to expect at a World Cup. Let's just hope New Zealand's training facilities are up to scratch.
The coach
Body double
Ricki Herbert has a strange likeness to both Marco van Basten and Ronald Koeman and, in various internet profiles, lists details of his Uefa A and Uefa Pro licence awards. Clearly born to be a football manager.
Big game hunter
An important member of the 1982 team, the former Wolves defender has been at the heart of everything good that has happened to New Zealand football.
Loved or loathed
When he took the reins the All Whites' 2006 World Cup attempt had foundered at the hands of Vanuatu. Now they are eyeing up a meeting with the Azzurri. Loved, then.
The country
Commentators' kit
The longest place name in the world, all 83 letters of it, can be found in New Zealand. Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamate-aturipukakapimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu. Translation? "The brow of the hill where Tamatea, the man with the big knees who slid, climbed and swallowed mountains, to travel the land, played his flute to his loved one". Got it?
They gave the world
The first bungee jump was performed by AJ Hackett off Auckland's Greenhithe Bridge in 1986 and with New Zealand's three group games taking place at altitude, they might feel like heading back to sea-level as quickly as possible.
National monument
Lamb chops. They provide 50% of the world's trade in sheepmeat, after all.
Qualifying
No other country reached the finals playing fewer than eight games and their opponents - New Caledonia, Fiji and Vanuatu in the group, Bahrain in the play-off – had an average world ranking of 124.
The Triesman tapes ... what he didn't say
"Rugby-playing, sheep-bothering, permanently damp, virtually Antarctic, butter-churning 'fush en chups' freaks who confuse sex with 'six'."
Statistics
World Cup record: 1 finals
P3 W0 D0 L3 F2 A12
Highest finish: First round in 1982
54: Minute in which Steve Sumner became their first World Cup goalscorer in the 5-2 first-round defeat by Scotland at Spain 82
Fixtures
Slovakia, 15 June, Royal Bafokeng Stadium, 12.30pm
Italy, 20 June, Mbombela Stadium, 3pm
Paraguay, 24 June, Peter Mokaba Stadium, 3pm
The verdict
Ryan Nelsen is at Blackburn and a few players are with Championship clubs but most are emerging from obscurity with a country back in the finals after 28 years. Plymouth Argyle's Rory Fallon scored to beat Bahrain in the play-offs. Ricki Herbert's side have experience of South Africa after last year's Confederations Cup.
Kevin McCarra
