Ray Thomas hands out his Golden Fetlock awards for the best moments of the Melbourne Cup carnival
THE SHETLAND PONY AWARD - Horse that came up short
It's A Dundeel - well, he was the smallest horse. Probably Mosheen and More Joyous.
THE DYE-VEANDERCROSS AWARD - Worst ride of the carnival
Gerald Mosse, Americain, Caulfield Cup. Covered more ground than the early explorers - how did that horse still run fourth?
THE CLANCY OF THE OVERFLOW AWARD - Best ride of the carnival
Craig Williams, Dunaden, Caulfield Cup. Brett Prebble, Green Moon, Melbourne Cup - both tactically brilliant rides.
THE PRINCE OF WHALES AWARD - Biggest punting splurge
Not the biggest, but the best. The woman who took her kids ages in a first four in the Cup on her new Sportsbet account, turning $1.92 into $77,452. Turns out the woman incorrectly thought her 23-year-old daughter was 24 (the number of fourth placed Kellini).
THE COLOURFUL RACING IDENTITY AWARD - Drunkest punter
The legless woman who trampled the roses on the public lawn on Melbourne Cup Day, took fresh-air shots at anyone within swinging distance, got tackled to the ground, produced some Sharon Stone moments, later claimed she had been drugged and is now a YouTube sensation.
THE POLISH THE PULITZER AWARD - Best news moment
It had to be the very public spat between Singo and Gai before the Cox Plate.
THE I'M SHOUTING THE BAR AWARD - Best tip of the carnival
After what has been an horrific spring on the punt, surely my luck has to turn. In a desperate bid to save the bank balance – I haven't got much left to give – I'm backing Galah (race 2), Academus (race 4), Silent Achiever (race 7) and Shahwardi (race 8) at Flemington on Saturday.
THE YOU'RE SHOUTING THE BAR AWARD - Worst tip of the carnival
Some would say virtually everything I put in the paper - this spring has been a blackout. But I would have to say declaring Pierro a certainty in the Caulfield Guineas. I should have known better as there is no such thing as a certainty in racing - except for Black Caviar.
THE BETTER GET A LAWYER, SON AWARD - Most controversial moment
Where do we start? Trainers who (allegedly) tube, jockeys who (allegedly) bet, jockeys who (allegedly) know where stewards live.
THE RON JEREMY AWARD - Best horse going to stud
Frankel, by as far as he won at Royal Ascot. Locally, All Too Hard and Pierro. The two super colts are both
worth $25 million now.
THE GOLDEN FETLOCK AWARD - Best horse of the carnival
Could Ocean Park be the least interesting spring star of the last decade? Staggered home in the Caulfield Stakes, tradesmanlike in the Cox Plate then seemed to run to form in the Mackinnon and ran third. Suspect his dominance says more about the lack of depth around him than his dazzling talents. The fact eight-year-old Alcopop played a starring role, with a one-all scorecard with Ocean Park, would seem to confirm the weight-for-age ranks are thin.