your thirst for knowledge.
At Google our mission is to organize the world's information and make it
useful and accessible to our users. But any piece of information's usefulness
derives, to a depressing degree, from the cognitive ability of the user who's
using it. That's why we're pleased to announce Google Gulp (BETA)™ with
Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of "smart drinks" designed
to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less
Think fruity. Think refreshing.
Think a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes
of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second, fine-tuning your
individual hormonal cocktail in real time using our patented Auto-Drink™ technology,
and slamming a truckload of electrolytic neurotransmitter smart-drug stimulants
past the blood-brain barrier to achieve maximum optimization of your soon-to-be-grateful
cerebral cortex. Plus, it's low in carbs! And with flavors ranging
from Beta Carroty to Glutamate Grape, you'll never run out of
ways to quench your thirst for knowledge.
How to get Gulped?
You can pick up your own supply of this "limited release" product
simply by turning in a used Gulp Cap at your local grocery store. How to get
a Gulp Cap? Well, if you know someone who's already been "gulped," they
can give you one. And if you don't know anyone who can give you one,
don't worry – that just means you aren't cool. But very,
very (very!) soon, you will be.
Google Gulp and Your Privacy
From time to time, in order to improve Google Gulp's usefulness
for our users, Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your
usage of this product from a wireless transmitter embedded in the base
of your Google Gulp bottle to the GulpPlex™, a heavily guarded,
massively parallel server farm whose location is known only to Eric Schmidt,
who carries its GPS coordinates on a 64-bit-encrypted smart card locked
in a stainless-steel briefcase handcuffed to his right wrist. No personally
identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google
Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be
given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker
pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party,
ever, we swear. See our Privacy
Google gulp introduction
From forest to freezer : history
4 great flavors : product details
Frequently asked questions